Sometimes I look back upon the friends I've had in my life and wonder what happened to the ones whom I no longer consider friends. I understand there was a reason for the unfriendings, for lack of a better term, but nevertheless I still think of them from time to time. A few of them simply faded away, but most of them were spontaneous combustions, like fireworks marking the end of a celebration. With these friendships I remain sad yet bitter. Certainly they are enjoying their lives, and that's all I'd want for them, but at the same time I feel left out, if only because I am not part of that life any longer. And yet, I don't miss that lifestyle. The meaningless false affections, the group psyche, the herd mentality. If you stand out, you don't fit in.
I understand now I don't have to be friends with everyone. Just because a friend of mine is friends with someone doesn't mean I too must befriend that person. Just because a friend of mine dislikes someone I know doesn't mean I too must dislike that person. And I'm lucky to have the friends that I do. I love all of them. My friends are my family, and my family are my friends. They are one and the same.
There is always room for more. The ones who've left are always in my heart, they just aren't in my life. And you know what? That's okay.