Monday, January 12, 2009

the gift

I believe God has a purpose for each of us while we are on this planet. Finding it isn't difficult; it is, however, difficult for us to accept it when our purpose is presented to us. Just like anything else in life that God hands to us that may take a little work, oftentimes we want nothing to do with it.
So it goes without saying that my calling, though slammed into my face constantly over the course of my young life, was until recently refused by me. My calling is to teach and to guide others. Whether that be a group of high schoolers, or a handful of toddlers, this is my purpose in life. With my becoming "accidentally" pregnant - I emphasize the adjective because I don't believe anything is accidental in God's eyes - I have come to realize that my latest teaching endeavor will be presented in my role as a mother. It will be up to myself, and my husband, to guide our daughter through life and raise her to be an individual of strong character and faith.
I was told as a young teenager that it would be unwise to become a housewife, as though being a housewife and mother would classify me as uneducated. Certainly, this is the stigma that comes along with leading this kind of life. However, if it brings me peace, who is anyone to judge? Being pregnant changes alot of things, most especially one's outlook on life. Becoming a mother - I can only imagine how that will further transform my existence. Sacrifice is part of the package, but martyrdom is not what I seek. I want respect for my choice, but I am willing to accept that any type of motherhood is a catch-22. If I returned to work, I would be labeled as selfish and neglectful. And since I choose to stay with my child at home, I will be labeled unintelligent and overprotective.
This does sound like a losing situation no matter how you slice it. But I believe God is speaking to me. There is a reason my daughter is coming. She is the best surprise I could ever have been given. And I am going to strive to be the best mother she can ever know.
This is my calling.
This is my purpose.
My life is her life.

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